I would really like to stop crying now , plskthxbai.

A day doesn’t go by that i don’t cry at least once. Mostly it’s at night, in bed, because i can’t sleep. I can’t sleep because it’s usually too late to take a sleeping tablet, even half a one.

I cry at nappy ads on YouTube – even though Emma was fully potty trained long before the accident. I cry at sad movies. If the show’s story line is about a dead child, a drowning, or any post mortem – i just switch it off. Seeing pregnant women makes me cringe and scuttle off in search of the comfort and recluse of my car…like no one can see me draped over the steering wheel sobbing. Shopping is the worst. Any child around 2 bricks high, with blonde’ish curly hair… I have left my trolleys in isles and dashed to the car. I have run out of pharmacies without paying because the pressure in my chest becomes too much. ( I have sent handy hubby back in to settle outstanding monies when this happens). I can’t answer people over the phone when they ask ‘But how are you REALLY doing.’

Family events are the worst. Christmas was torture. But we got through it, i’m still not sure how. I was drugged up for most of it. I dread birthdays. We didn’t celebrate Valentine’s day. I would like to cancel Easter too.

And i still haven’t had the courage to visit my baby’s grave. I can’t. I just can’t. I had a panic attack the first time a visit was mentioned. I ended up at home alone, unable to sleep, curled up under her memory troos blanket shouting plot holes at the tv. I might have put on a brave face in a floral dress at her funeral, but i am in a worse place mentally now than ever. I’ve made it as far as the farm, but not the family cemetery.

I just want my baby back.

Thank goodness for digital art files!

Seriously, sometimes it’s just so hard to find a specific paper or design or Lil critter in the shops. Or you have to drive around and hunt through stacks of boxes and shelves for that perfect chevron in just that shape of taupe. Also doesn’t help that I live in a tiny rural town and retail is WYSIWYG. And if you DO find a paper you like…that’s just it: you buy 1, you get 1. You use up that one paper – so you tend to use it sparingly to make it last. The whole idea of crafty if to share the pretty! This makes digital art files soooo awesome. Buy it once, print as many as you like. For good karma sake stick to the creator’s terms of use,but for the casual crafter this means you can use that Asian inspired creamy blossom paper for ALL your Christmas cards this year.

I’ve been a fan of digital printables for years now. I’ve bought calendars, and vintage mermaids, and stamps, and papers. Etsy is a fabulous ecommerce source for digital art. One of my new favorite shops is MaishopDigitalArt. You want pastel colored linen textured paper? How about some cutesy folded ribbon banners is a plethora of colours? And mini itty bitty hearts on kraft?  MaishopDigitalArt has you covered.

Best of all, these images are instant download. As soon as your payment goes through, click click, you have the files. No need to wait for shipment. You can get your craft on the moment inspiration hits. Perfect for international crafters! Perfect for me 😉

End of May haul – stamps and stencil and paper, oh my!

Gaaah! What a crazy week. I just need a few minutes of normality. Where I am fully in charge of something and not dependent on anyone that will inevitably either screw up, or let me down.

At least the keyboard follows my commands. Well this one does…for now. I press a key – presto – a letter forms.

So let me share a haul with you. I am in love with our local craft shop. I’ve said it before, but it truly stocks ANYTHING crafty you can think of. You just have to be willing to dig a little deeper. Veronica shares her crafty passion with her patrons; and I still don’t know how she manages to have better prices than some leading online distributors or even big craft suppliers in the city. I wouldn’t blame small businesses in rural areas jacking up their profits for sake of convenience – but Le Mar does not. Or not in a way that I notice.

Back to the haul!

Don’t you just love this stencil! That’s a full size distress inkpad next to it for scale. (Not the new little pads, the old big ones). I haven’t used it yet though, but I SOO want to. I just have to make time..but ja; like I said, it’s been a crazy week.

In January I put my name down for #PostCircle. (Who’s taking bets when hashtags will be enabled in blog posts) And honestly, I kinda forgot about it when I didn’t get a reply. Then suddenly – SURPRISE! I’m in a group and we’re mailing shtuff and it’s so exciting and all my team peeps are in UK. {More of #PostCircle in another post} But I saw the cutest pen pal paper at the craft shop! It’s from PinkPaislee’s pen pals collection Had had HAD to get it.

This stamp set from KaiserCraft’s Captured Moments collection is very ProjectLife. I fell in love with it, had to have IT, and asked the shop to keep it aside for me. Now…I’m not so sure that I want it anymore. It’s cute, yes, but will I use it? I took it anyway – I felt too bad for asking them to keep it for me, only to put it back on the shelf.

The sheep was a complete impulse buy. I saw them, thought how cure they will look on an envelope, and I can colour them with my spectrum noir markers. See, my in-laws have a sheep farm.

Ah, the cardmaker’s staple punch: 1” scalloped circle. Or so I’ve heard. I love scalloped edges – and my free hand cutting looks more like blindfolded cutting.

Retail therapy at it’s best. Now someone just lend me a time-turner so I can get my craft on more often.

Tracy decides to get fit and healthy

It was inevitable. Sooner or later all the bad stuff I had done to my body would catch up… And it had.
My blood pressure is at its highest. My hormones are so wonky that my cycle has gone completely haywire. Add to this disaster cupcake some sprinkles of Insulin Resistance, and I’m well on my way of not seeing the other side of 50.

But it’s not all doom and gloom. This is my year to Grow – that One Little Word. It was time I took action. I started with meds. Controlling all my health issues to an acceptable functioning level; then to make some serious life changes and tackle the REAL reason that my body is sabotaging my life. Plain old fat. Loads and loads of wobbly body fat, not quite evenly distributed over this short frame.

I phoned up our local gym – shock horror, our town actually HAS one. I made an appointment for a body assessment and someone to help me work out a plan to… You know… Work out.

I was scared shitless. I had only ever been to a gym ONCE before, and it was horrible. But Tégan is really nice. She might not understand my anxiety, but she doesn’t dismiss it either. She acknowledges it and becomes my focal point. She pinched and measured and  calculated,and turns out I’m a lot fatter than all the positive body images on pinterest say I am. BMI is 36%.That puts me in the obese class II slot; I.e. severely obese.

So I donned my oldest T-shirt, old tekkies, black tights and went for my first official gymming session. I sweated and heaved and giggled and raised my eyebrows at the ridiculousness of the equipment in the circuit. I didn’t think the very few repetitions I did would make a difference… It must’ve worked cause I definitely felt it the next day.

Something I never thought I would ever say, like EVER: I like exercising. I like going to the gym. I might not be very good at it, but at last I’m there. I might not speed spin or jog but I work up a sweat in my own way. I went as far as buying proper gym attire from Total Sports. My eldest says I look like a power ranger. That’s my ultimate goal 😉 

I told Tégan that her eating plan has an error on it – there isn’t any chocolate. She agreed that I’m allowed 1 block of dark choc a day- I might just come to like this Lil gym Nazi. I kid. She’s really nice.

But I wouldn’t have done it without the support of my friends and family. Cliché, but oh so true. Supachik planted the spark for me to get my butt in gear. My work colleagues support and encourage me. And the most important: my husband. He supports this decision 110%. The only time for me to work out is in the evenings after work. So he fetches the kids, feeds them, bathes them. He hasn’t complained once. He just smiles and says that he’s proud of me. Without him,I wouldn’t be so determined to see this through. It’s going to be a long journey. It took YEARS to reach to size I am now; it will take years of hard work to right the wrongs.

So that’s what I’ve been busy with this past 2 weeks. I get some crafting done in between, but for now my main focus is getting this bod in to better condition. I’ll keep you posted.

Before

Miss you card – Mojo Monday #341 prompt

I loved making this card so much!

And I really like following card sketches. I’m already so overwhelmed by the paper options and stamps and embellishments;  then still to fiddle with a layout eeeeep! But these sketches make it SO much easier.

I got a request for a masculine card (I like Guy Card more tho); the young man is moving out of Mom’s house, and she wanted to write him letter of love and wisdom – just needed a card to put it into.

I was a but flustered because I have girly frilly shabby chic papers and haven’t made a specifically guy card yet. Soppy Valentine’s to my hubby doesn’t count.

Imagine my relief when I saw this week’s Mojo Monday sketch!

I could definitely make this a masculine card. Scalloped strip and all.

 

 

I used Kraft card for the base. The papers are from Bo Bunny Prairie Chic 6×6 Paper pad. The sentiment is from Paper Smooches  Sentiment sampler.

 

Birthday Card for Vinette

 

 

What better way to practice colouring with Spectrum Noir and OTT card-making than with cutesy cards for little friends. I decided to follow the prompt on Mojo Monday #340 for one of Lili’s friends’ birthday cards.

I used the Cupcake Anya digifile from The Greeting Farm. Simply LOVED how the hair came out. Think it’s cause I limited myself to only using 3 colours instead my usual 5.

I embossed the lilac panel with a small polkadot folder from Cricut that will sit diagonally to add some texture.

I couldn’t figure out how to use glitter with embossing powder – in hindsight I should have probably just googled how to, but I played around a bit: mixed 1 part clear embossing powder, 2 parts black embossing powder and 3 parts glitter. Experimenting with which ink to use – Versafine Onyx Black worked best. I used that concoction to heat emboss her name stamped with Alphadot stamp set by Paper Smooches.

 

And since I was feeling all experimenty it felt appropriate to try machine stitching the background papers. I forget the name of the paperset – It isn’t all gummed in a neat booklet. It was all bound in a plastic wrapper – which I threw away. The papers have this Fairy Tale theme going. Very cute.

Of course when I finally assembled the card, most of the stitching got covered up. Just about 1 cm is showing, but it’s totally worth it. Also added a rose brad and lots n lots of sequins.

For me, photographing cards is particularly tricky. Since I have a day job, and winter is approaching here in the Southern Hemisphere, my daylight window is very narrow. Below is a “behind the scenes” shot of the setup. It kinda worked!

 I absolutely adore this card! The prompt really helped to keep me focused on the general design. Will definitely refer to previous sketches for inspiration.

 

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Linking up to: Mojo Monday #340