I would really like to stop crying now , plskthxbai.

A day doesn’t go by that i don’t cry at least once. Mostly it’s at night, in bed, because i can’t sleep. I can’t sleep because it’s usually too late to take a sleeping tablet, even half a one.

I cry at nappy ads on YouTube – even though Emma was fully potty trained long before the accident. I cry at sad movies. If the show’s story line is about a dead child, a drowning, or any post mortem – i just switch it off. Seeing pregnant women makes me cringe and scuttle off in search of the comfort and recluse of my car…like no one can see me draped over the steering wheel sobbing. Shopping is the worst. Any child around 2 bricks high, with blonde’ish curly hair… I have left my trolleys in isles and dashed to the car. I have run out of pharmacies without paying because the pressure in my chest becomes too much. ( I have sent handy hubby back in to settle outstanding monies when this happens). I can’t answer people over the phone when they ask ‘But how are you REALLY doing.’

Family events are the worst. Christmas was torture. But we got through it, i’m still not sure how. I was drugged up for most of it. I dread birthdays. We didn’t celebrate Valentine’s day. I would like to cancel Easter too.

And i still haven’t had the courage to visit my baby’s grave. I can’t. I just can’t. I had a panic attack the first time a visit was mentioned. I ended up at home alone, unable to sleep, curled up under her memory troos blanket shouting plot holes at the tv. I might have put on a brave face in a floral dress at her funeral, but i am in a worse place mentally now than ever. I’ve made it as far as the farm, but not the family cemetery.

I just want my baby back.


What do you use for a teething baby bottom?

We’ve been teething this past week. Molars.  {shudders} It’s tough being a baby. Definitely not for sissies. Roo (now 16 months) doesn’t drool as much, but poor nunu suffered quite a bit from a burning bottom this time. Everyone has their tried and tested remedies for dealing with the inevitable teething bum. I thought I’d share my approach.

Sunlight. Naked baby in a shady spot in the garden works wonders on a tender bottom. But we’re still in season transition. It’s rainy and cold. There has to be another option.

This is my arsenal…

Call me a moon kissing, flower sniffing hippie, but amber teething necklaces REALLY work. Roo has one. We never take it off. I think her teething would have been a lot worse (more like her big sister’s episodes) if she wasn’t wearing it. With Lili I was too skeptical to try. {So we learn, right? Right.} I occasionally wear my baby pearls teething necklace {Lime green one}. It looks fab and baby can chew on it safely. Rooibos tea is another miracle product. I do everything with it EXCEPT drink it. {I’m really not a fan of tea} – but that’s a post for another day.

Okie, but with these molars, I had to step my approach up a notch.

Baby bum arsenal

From left to right : First off, if the skin isn’t broken yet, I liberally apply Brandsalf. A friend of ours patented this recipe and it has become a punchline in our house. If anything hurts, itches, burns -use Brandsalf!

To help sooth irritated skin I use Annique’s Rooibos Pamperlang. Then a lekker layer of Sudocrem. And lastly I dust some Fullers Earth Powder on the nappy area; This will help keep that bum drier.

And the manky looking wipes in the baggie, you ask? I make my own Rooibos wipes when there’s a sore bum in the house. {This helps for heat rash too all you cyclists!} I make 2 strong cups of Rooibos tea. One cup I empty into the bathwater, the other I use to make wipes. I use any cheapo wipes when making these – rinse out most of the soap, then dip in cooled Rooibos tea. Squeeze out excess {but leave a little in so it’s damp, you know, like a wet wipe} Place in a baggie and keep close for nappy changes. I ship my baggie off to daycare as well. There’s nothing worse for a sore bum than baby wipes. Even those sensitive ones. If you have to use wipes, make them Rooibos.

Some people swear by egg white – I honestly haven’t tried it. {Do you have to whisk it until stiff peaks? or use it runny? idk} There are so many baby bum creams on the market; some pharmacies even mix their own concoctions. It’s just a process of finding what works for your nunu’s bottom {and mommy’s pocket}. This is what works for us.


Linking up: Modest Mom