Home » Baby and Parenting » I would really like to stop crying now , plskthxbai.

I would really like to stop crying now , plskthxbai.

A day doesn’t go by that i don’t cry at least once. Mostly it’s at night, in bed, because i can’t sleep. I can’t sleep because it’s usually too late to take a sleeping tablet, even half a one.

I cry at nappy ads on YouTube – even though Emma was fully potty trained long before the accident. I cry at sad movies. If the show’s story line is about a dead child, a drowning, or any post mortem – i just switch it off. Seeing pregnant women makes me cringe and scuttle off in search of the comfort and recluse of my car…like no one can see me draped over the steering wheel sobbing. Shopping is the worst. Any child around 2 bricks high, with blonde’ish curly hair… I have left my trolleys in isles and dashed to the car. I have run out of pharmacies without paying because the pressure in my chest becomes too much. ( I have sent handy hubby back in to settle outstanding monies when this happens). I can’t answer people over the phone when they ask ‘But how are you REALLY doing.’

Family events are the worst. Christmas was torture. But we got through it, i’m still not sure how. I was drugged up for most of it. I dread birthdays. We didn’t celebrate Valentine’s day. I would like to cancel Easter too.

And i still haven’t had the courage to visit my baby’s grave. I can’t. I just can’t. I had a panic attack the first time a visit was mentioned. I ended up at home alone, unable to sleep, curled up under her memory troos blanket shouting plot holes at the tv. I might have put on a brave face in a floral dress at her funeral, but i am in a worse place mentally now than ever. I’ve made it as far as the farm, but not the family cemetery.

I just want my baby back.

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One thought on “I would really like to stop crying now , plskthxbai.

  1. I am so sorry to read your post. I’m so sorry for your loss. Maybe I saw your post for a reason because I don’t usually check my reader on wordpress.

    Grief and panic attacks can be healed with the help of homeopathy. If you have a homeopath in your area, maybe you can get the help you need to sleep and calm down. Drug stores usually have over the counter homeopathy remedies (and Amazon does too).

    Kali Phosphoricum is good for anxiety and also helps to calm the mind. There are many other anxiety remedies (depending on the symptoms and causes) and an expert can certainly help in pointing you in the right direction.

    There are a few guidelines for using homeopathy pills; like avoiding touching them with one’s hands so as not to contaminate them + avoiding mint, etc. Here are some more guidelines in this link: http://www.homeoint.org/site/price/guidelines.htm

    You will be OK and I know I’m a complete stranger, but my prayers are with you. Take care of yourself.

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